Saturday, November 27, 2004

FUCK MY LIFE

I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. I have one of the most fucked up lifes in the world. Once I heard my mom tell everyone that the party was over, i just couldnt handle it and i jumped in my car and just drove. I drove and drove. I've been depressed lately for various reasons and this disaster didnt help at all. I havent told any of you but im on alot of medications. For a while i felt like killing myself, thus why i drove at insane speeds. I think i was going at least > 100 mph for a long while. I really didnt care what would happen to me at the time. I also tried drifting newbie style with the ebrake. It at least relieved my anger and sadness. At one point I think I was in Shelby County. I didnt know where exactly i wanted to go or what i was doing. I think I wanted to drive to my dad's house because I was so fucking angry with my mom and we havent been getting along lately. I havent even fucking seen my dad for 5 years. Fuck my life. After 2 hours of driving i decided to come back home and just go to bed. I hadnt gotten enough sleep lately and i was getting pretty worn down. I slept in the back of my car when I got home, but i eventually ended up going back inside due to my car being so uncomfortable. I refuse to talk to my mom right now, and I dont know what I;m going to do. I have been sleeping all day and dont want to deal with anything.

I'm sorry that you guys had to leave and I wasnt there with you. I just handle all the feelings that were inside of me. I hope everyone eventually got home safe and sound. I hope you all remember that Im sorry that this had to happen like it did.,


love johnny

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